Posted by: Rob | March 5, 2009

Canadiana is Song Lyric Thursday

Despite the constant flow of celebrity tripe from over our southern border, our Canadian attitudes toward our own entertainers and celebrities have evolved into something a bit unique.  It’s like “You can be good, but you can’t be too good.”  And you shouldn’t act like you know you’re good, you should be more….humble.  And if you do get stuck on yourself and you act like it, well then we have no use for you at all.

Case in point?  Celine Dion.  Ask any Canadian if they like Celine Dion.  Ask any Canadian if they Celine Dion’s music.  The answers will nearly always be a resounding no.  Majority sentiment would be along the lines of “Inflicting Celine Dion on the Americans is something akin to poetic justice.”

In fact, I heard a joke one time.  In Quebec (Celine Dion’s home province) they’ve named a road after Celine Dion.  It’s long and narrow, has sharp shoulders and no curves.

I’ve never been a Celine Dion fan, but my disgust was pushed over the edge when I had the misfortune to view some spectacle on television where she and her fat old husband (old enough to be her dad?) were being carried around on litters or something, somewhat like the ancient Egyptians.  The bile rises now just picturing it in my mind’s eye.

But, this Song Lyric Thursday is not going to be for Celine Dion (*gag*).  Rather it’s to another Canadian talent: Nickelback.  Nickelback originates from the small Alberta town of Hanna.  They’ve achieved some level of success internationally, but I believe they’re still based in Canada (Vancouver, BC).  Even still, Nickelback is still regarded with some contempt by their countrymen.  Probably because Chad Kroeger acts like an ass.

I only found this tune recently, even though it’s from the ’90’s2006.*

Nickelback

Rockstar

Songwriters: Daniel Adair, Michael Kroeger, Chad Kroeger, Ryan Peake

I’m through with standing in line to clubs I’ll never get in
It’s like the bottom of the ninth and I’m never gonna win
This life hasn’t turned out
Quite the way I want it to be
(tell me what you want)

I want a brand new house on an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king size tub
Big enough for ten plus me
(yeah, so what you need)

I’ll need a, a credit card that’s got no limit
And a big black jet with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club
At thirty-seven thousand feet
(Been there done that)

I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher and
James Dean is fine for me
(So how you gonna do it?)

I’m gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I’d even cut my hair and change my name

[CHORUS]
‘Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We’ll all stay skinny cause we just won’t eat

And we’ll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger’s gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny with her bleach blonde hair
and well..
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes
Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free
(I’ll have the quesadilla… ha ha)

I’m gonna dress my ass with the latest fashion
Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion
Gonna date a centerfold that loves to
blow my money for me
(So how you gonna do it?)

I’m gonna trade this life
For fortune and fame
I’d even cut my hair
And change my name

‘Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We’ll all stay skinny cause we just won’t eat

And we’ll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger’s gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny with her bleach blonde hair

And we’ll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary of today’s who’s who
We’ll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody’s got a drug dealer on speed dial
well..
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I’m gonna sing those songs that offend the censors
Gonna pop my pills from a Pez dispenser
Get washed-up singers writing all my songs
Lip sync ’em every night so I don’t get ’em wrong

Well we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We’ll all stay skinny cause we just won’t eat

And we’ll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger’s gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny with her bleach blonde hair

And we’ll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary of today’s who’s who
We’ll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody’s got a drug dealer on speed dial
Well..
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

* See comments.

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Responses

  1. You may have imposed Celine Dion on us, but we gave you George W. Bush!

    TWICE!

  2. One of my favourite lines from the South Park movie: “The Canadian government has apologised for Bryan Adams on several occasions”

  3. No, honey, the song is only a few years old. We have the CD on a shelf in the living room.

    Awesome song. Awesome CD. I like Nickelback and as much as a I love Canadians, sometimes they are snobbish in ways that remind me of biting off noses to spite faces.

    • You’re right. Of course. Again. Release year for Rockstar was 2006. I was thinking it was on Big Shiny 90’s Vol II, but it was Big Shiny Tunes Vol. 11.

      xoxo

  4. Yes, but you’ve more than made up for it with Neve Campbell, Fay Wray, Elisha Cuthbert, and Pam Anderson.


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